One of the things that almost every tattoo artist will warn you against doing, and almost every first time client will do, is getting a good dose of liquid courage before getting a tattoo. Where I used to work at it was against the law to tattoo anyone who was inebriated, and yes, I had more than one person come in looking for that first tattoo so drunk they were lucky to string three sentences together.
Not only does a high alcohol blood content make you bleed like a stuck pig, (which makes it harder to do a good tattoo, because your bleeding ink out almost as fast as it goes in), but believe it or not, in most cases it make the tat hurt more. I never liked dealing with a drunk client anyway, because your inhibitions are down and they squirm, jump around, and holler like a pig with a full on cattle prod shoved up its ass. Ever try to write, or draw something while someone else jerks the table around? Guess what? Tattoo machines do not come with erasers.
If that’s not enough to warn you first timers off of getting a buzz on before getting your first tattoo take a lesson from a guy named Joel who lives in Northern Sweden. Umeå, to be exact. As reported in Sweden’s Aftonbladet news paper.
After downing an entire bottle of Vodka Joel decided he would get a tattoo. He had noticed the finger moustache a friend had, and announced that he would now get one too. Unfortunately, he announced it in front of a local tattoo artist, who said he would give Joel a tattoo if Joel would give him free reign. Joel agreed and off he went with the artist and a buddy to get the job done.
Well, I don’t know if the tattoo artist had a grudge against Joel, or if he just has a sick sense of humor, but our boy Joel woke up the next morning to find the above tattoo on his leg. Maybe the unnamed artist just thought Joel was being a dick and he should advertise it to all and sundry. Maybe his father owns a jeans store. May be the artist is a dick, and wanted to advertise. Who knows.
Just remember, gang, liquid courage, getting stoned, high, whatever, before a tattoo isn’t a good idea. In fact it can make you look like a dick head in the end.
I’m out’ta here before I piss myself laughing. 😉
Image © Aftonbladet all rights reserved